


Seas Too Far To Reach

by littlelionvanz



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Childbirth, Gen, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-08
Updated: 2012-07-08
Packaged: 2017-11-09 11:12:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/454798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelionvanz/pseuds/littlelionvanz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was easy to hate Robb in those hours when it felt as if she were being torn apart from the inside out. Pain breeds hate as easily as sex can breed love. She found out the latter quickly enough. The paradox was trying figure out which came first- the pain or the hate, the sex or the love. The lines between the two became blurred and confused when the spasms tore through her and all Jeyne wanted was for it all to be over. All of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seas Too Far To Reach

Robb always said that when she would eventually gave birth - something he was always so sure was going to happen - that he would be there with her. Holding her hand, there to bring their child into the world together as his father was there for his mother. It might’ve been an empty courtesy to ease her moments of doubt when moons past and she never grew with child. When eyes of his bannermen looked at her with disappointment that made her feel next to useless. _I am trying!_ She wanted to shout it at the top of her lungs. _Really I am._

If only they could see her now, Jeyne felt a strange sense of pride in the crannog hut. The pain that shot through her was enough to make her feel as if she were dying. But the women that surrounded her wiped her forehead and held her hands, assuring her that she would be fine. But she wasn’t. She was far from fine. Robb wasn’t here. He promised he would be. Hours stretched on and the agony of laboring what she was told was twins - which only served as a horrible reminder that her young wolf wasn’t here to see them - was gaining to be more than she could bear. She screamed his name, hoping he might be able to at least hear her, wherever he was. That he would know that she kept her promise. That he didn’t keep his. That he left her in every possible way.

It was easy to hate Robb in those hours when it felt as if she were being torn apart from the inside out. Pain breeds hate as easily as sex can breed love. She found out the latter quickly enough. The paradox was trying to figure out which came first- the pain or the hate, the sex or the love. The lines between the two became blurred and confused when the spasms tore through her and all Jeyne wanted was for it all to be over. All of it.

Eddard came easily after his brother Brandon. They were squalling and though she were sure something was wrong, that they were in pain, the crannogwomen looked at her with smiles as they cleaned the boys. Repeating over and over that they were as perfect as a baby should be. As fierce as any wolf could be. _A wolf._ She thought drifting into a sleep induced by milk of the poppy. _Do you see them Robb? I gave you two wolves. Just as I said I would. Are you proud of me?_ Her dreams were hazy, more sounds and faces than anything else. She was weightless. There was no pain. She could feel Robb near her. A hand on her waist, his thumb running over her hip bone. Lips on the space behind her ear. The heat from his chest radiating through her body. Jeyne always tried to reach for him. To touch him. To see his face fully. To hold him like she used to after a battle. To kiss his cheeks and smooth his hair down. But Robb was always just out of reach. Always in her peripheral and if she blinked just once, he was gone.

“Come back,” she found herself mumbling when her eyes fluttered open. _Please come back to me, Robb. I can’t do this on my own._ It was dark now and raining lightly. She was still in pain, Eddard and Brandon were each being held by the two women who had delivered them, and Robb was not here. It was probably selfish of her to hope that by the grace of the old gods and the new, that he would walk into her hut. He would climb into the bed with her, tell her how proud he was, and hold her until all the hurt went away.

But all the hurt stayed exactly where it was. Even as days passed and she regained her strength and began nursing her boys. When they opened their Tully-blue eyes for the first time, she couldn’t have expected them to have anything else. Their fingers curled around hers and the realization that these wolves were hers began to set in like a slow burn. Is this how Catelyn felt when she gave birth to her children? Accomplished? Relieved? Proud? She gave Ned Stark five children and could’ve given him more, had the circumstances been different. But these were the only children she and Robb would ever have. If he were here now, Jeyne knew he wouldn’t care if she never gave him another child for the rest of their days. What hurt the most was knowing that even if she wanted to, she never could.

Howland Reed promised Jeyne that no harm would come to her or Brynden Tully when they came to Greywater Watch. The crannogmen were sworn to House Stark and the lord was one of Ned Stark’s oldest and dearest friends. And it seemed the only person Jeyne could trust, aside from the Blackfish who refused to give her to the Lannisters. It was comforting to know that even if somehow word got out that she was _not_ in the Crag with her family and instead in the Neck with the Young Wolf’s sons and heirs, the crannogmen were confident that no lion, kraken, or flayed man could ever find the Reed’s stronghold as it literally moved through the bogs. Eddard and Brandon would be protected and that at least gave Jeyne’s mind _some_ peace.

As the months stretched on and she heard almost no word from the outside world. She was glad for it. She didn’t want to think about the war. She didn’t care. Her war ended when they took Robb’s head. Her sons, however, would never know _that_ fact. They would know happiness, not despair. Growth, not loss. She would not betray them as her mother betrayed her. Some days she thought about Lady Catelyn. What it must’ve been like for her, keeping her head high and remaining strong losing her children, one by one. It’s a wonder she didn’t completely lose her sanity sooner. Jeyne said her prayers every night, praying to the Mother above for strength like Lady Catelyn Stark.

One day her sons would be important, that much was evident and it never left her mind once. But not today. Today’s battles included getting them to nap on a regular schedule and trying to get them to stand on their own for more than ten seconds. Brandon was the most willful who liked to put up a fight about everything. Eddard was quieter. Her sweet boy. Both were mischievous little pups. It was easy to tell the boys apart. Eddard’s hair darkened over the months from auburn like his father’s, to a brown darker than Jeyne’s. Brandon’s was the same copper curls that belonged to the boy she knew a thousand years ago. She often thought about the day she’d have to tell them that they were born to be kings of winter like the father they’d never know.

In the deep of night when all was quiet and neither Robb nor Jeyne could sleep, they often talked about what their lives would be like when the war was ended. “You will love Winterfell,” he promised once. “You will be happy there.” They spoke of dreams and plans that neither probably believed would ever come true. Some nights it was easy to forget the world and just be young and happy. Even if it were just pretend. Jeyne could hear his voice now, vibrating through her as she lay her head on his chest. She remembered feeling safe with him. As if nothing in the world could touch them. Jeyne would give almost anything in the world to feel that again. Missing Robb was like learning to breathe all over again. It hurt and some days she’d rather just not even bother anymore. He was waiting for her somewhere and all she had to do was go to him. But then Eddard would begin to cry, Brandon would follow, and she almost hated herself for letting grief wrap its black hands around her heart so easily. She couldn’t entertain those thoughts when his sons needed her. _Robb’s_ sons.

When she stopped hating Robb, she silently thanked him for her boys. The ones who loved her and did not know what it cost to bring them into the world. Who did not know what Jeyne had been to the North; the girl who killed a king, she knew that’s what people must’ve thought about her. No. She would not be the girl who killed a king, but a mother who bore _two_. And when winter comes and the cold winds rise, the world will know their names.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was sitting in googledocs for like three months and I didn't completely hate it so here we go?
> 
> This is based off the theory that Jeyne escaped with the Blackfish and wound up in Greywater Watch. 
> 
> Title comes from the song of the same name by Okkervil River


End file.
